Hi Efuryone Hawwy here,
I am proud to announce de debut reporting of @angelthefurball and @Tiggywinkle21 who has joined de SpanielHarry news desk. So peese sit back, get comfy and read dis charmin report they has produced,
The 3 Ps
By @angelthefurball and @tiggywinkle21
If there is one thing us doggies can be relied on it’s our impeccable timing and ability to make our hoomans squirm. You can bet your last gravy bone that a runny poop will make an unwanted appearance either when our hoomans is running late or about to have their noms. It is almost worth the bottom bath that follows just to see their faces.
Anyway I was lying on me sofa thinking about these happy memories when it dawned on me our impeccable timing should be immortalised in writing and who better to help me with this than me poodle pal Tiggywinkle (@tiggywinkle21). So what are the 3Ps you cry, well obviously they is Pee, Poop and Puke and we just happen to have 3 entertaining tales to share with you. So make yourself comfortable and join us on a wonderful journey into chaos.
A Wee Accident by @angelthefurball
Well as you all know I has a silly spine and problems with me balance and this often helps me in my quest to humiliate the hoomans. How so you ask? Well when me wants to pee my humum does need to helps me get me balance and of course sometimes she is so busy doing this she doesn’t look where she puts her big smelly feet and I gives them a pee bath. I finds it funny, she does not. As if pee not bad enough once I even managed to poop on her brand new shoes. which brings me nicely to the 2nd P, poop, and for this Tiggy has quite the tale to share.
The Great Scissor Adenture by @tiggywinkle21
Well there I was doing the square (that’s what the humans call the area where I goes to take care of business) and being considerate I duly obliged with a squat. Now before I go any further for those who don’t know me I have very long and curly hair which occasionally takes on a dreadlock style as I doesn’t like brush time, or growl time as I call it. So there I am doing the walking squat, working hard with no finished product to call my own. Mama starts to worry as I is getting distressed and decides to have a look only to find my tight curls have created a barrier across me poop shoot and there it is half in, half out just waiting for mama to oblige. Mama looked at me, I looked at her and we called Daddy. Daddy duly arrived, ashen faced as he has an aversion to all things brown, and hands mum the solution, rubber gloves you cry, no, he hands mama the kitchen scissors. I guess he thought a quick trim and then a cry of freedom from Mr Stinky and we would be home and dry. He was wrong, a quick trim later and still no movement. That’s when mum bit the bullet and used the scissors to pull out the rock hard poo. I lost half my body weight in poo and fur that day and strangely I haven’t seen those kitchen scissors in the cutlery drawer since.
Cap City Pukery by @tiggywinkle21
Well our neighbourhood is very dog friendly and in spring and summer all the restaurants have tables outside to let us doggies dine with our humans. They give us treats, water and lots of attention. This past fall we decided visit the Capitol City Brewery where mum and dad sat down to enjoy a beer, well they had hardly coated their lips when I started to lick the ground. So there I am licking the pavement and thinking I shouldn’t had that last mouthful of ice cream when the humans notice and try to get me to drink followed by a walk around to try take my mind off my obsessive licking. Mum and dad didn’t know if I had an upset tummy or was just being silly, so dad decided pick me up for closer examination only for me to projectile vomit in the direction of the other diners. I found it hysterical but the humans thought otherwise and desperately tried to clean up with the eyes of disgusted diners boring in to them. Embaressed they decided the only option was to pick me up and leave with their heads not held high. I was feeling great by then and got carried all the way home listening to the humans mourn the beer they left behind. I also heard them say we wouldn’t be visiting the Cap City Pukery again any time soon.
So there you have it pals, proof of our impeccable timing and ability to make our hoomans squirm. I think all that’s left for us to say is please do try this at home.
Bravo ladies Bravo. So we will be hearing more from this dynamic duo in due course but I fur one think there debut is just the ticket fur the end of a long week. Don’t furget if yoo want a pawtographed copy of my book Help my dog’s on Twitter, then email me firstname.lastname@example.org