The Three P’s

Hi Efuryone Hawwy here,

I am proud to announce de debut reporting of @angelthefurball and @Tiggywinkle21 who has joined de SpanielHarry news desk. So peese sit back, get comfy and read dis charmin report they has produced,

The 3 Ps

By @angelthefurball and @tiggywinkle21

angeltiggydebutblog

If there is one thing us doggies can be relied on it’s our impeccable timing and ability to make our hoomans squirm.  You can bet your last gravy bone that a runny poop will make an unwanted appearance either when our hoomans is running late or about to have their noms. It is almost worth the bottom bath that follows just to see their faces.

Anyway I was lying on me sofa thinking about these happy memories when it dawned on me our impeccable timing should be immortalised in writing and who better to help me with this than me poodle pal Tiggywinkle (@tiggywinkle21). So what are the 3Ps you cry, well obviously they is Pee, Poop and Puke and we just happen to have 3 entertaining tales to share with you. So make yourself comfortable and join us on a wonderful journey into chaos.

A Wee Accident by @angelthefurball

Well as you all know I has a silly spine and problems with me balance and this often helps me in my quest to humiliate the hoomans. How so you ask? Well when me wants to pee my humum does need to helps me get me balance and of course sometimes she is so busy doing this she doesn’t look where she puts her big smelly feet and I gives them a pee bath. I finds it funny, she does not. As if pee not bad enough once I even managed to poop on her brand new shoes. which brings me nicely to the 2nd P, poop, and for this Tiggy has quite the tale to share.

The Great Scissor Adenture by @tiggywinkle21

Well there I was doing the square (that’s what the humans call the area where I goes to take care of business) and being considerate I duly obliged with a squat. Now before I go any further for those who don’t know me I have very long and curly hair which occasionally takes on a dreadlock style as I doesn’t like brush time, or growl time as I call it.  So there I am doing the walking squat, working hard with no finished product to call my own. Mama starts to worry as I is getting distressed and decides to have a look only to find my tight curls have created a barrier across me poop shoot and there it is half in, half out just waiting for mama to oblige. Mama looked at me, I looked at her and we called Daddy. Daddy duly arrived, ashen faced as he has an aversion to all things brown, and hands mum the solution, rubber gloves you cry, no, he hands mama the kitchen scissors. I guess he thought a quick trim and then a cry of freedom from Mr Stinky and we would be home and dry. He was wrong, a quick trim later and still no movement. That’s when mum bit the bullet and used the scissors to pull out the rock hard poo. I lost half my body weight in poo and fur that day and strangely I haven’t seen those kitchen scissors in the cutlery drawer since.

Cap City Pukery by @tiggywinkle21

Well our neighbourhood is very dog friendly and in spring and summer all the restaurants have  tables outside to let us doggies dine with our humans. They give us treats, water and lots of attention. This past fall we decided visit the Capitol City Brewery where mum and dad sat down to enjoy a beer, well they had hardly coated their lips when I started to lick the ground. So there I am licking the pavement and thinking I shouldn’t had that last mouthful of ice cream when the humans notice and try to get me to drink followed by a walk around to try take my mind off my obsessive licking. Mum and dad didn’t know if I had an upset tummy or was just being silly, so dad decided pick me up for closer examination only for me to projectile vomit in the direction of the other diners. I found it hysterical but the humans thought otherwise and desperately tried to clean up with the eyes of disgusted diners boring in to them. Embaressed they decided the only option was to pick me up and leave with their heads not held high. I was feeling great by then and got carried all the way home listening to the humans mourn the beer they left behind. I also heard them say we wouldn’t be visiting the Cap City Pukery again any time soon.

So there you have it pals, proof of our impeccable timing and ability to make our hoomans squirm. I think all that’s left for us to say is please do try this at home.

Bravo ladies Bravo. So we will be hearing more from this dynamic duo in due course but I fur one think there debut is just the ticket fur the end of a long week. Don’t furget if yoo want a pawtographed copy of my book Help my dog’s on Twitter, then email me spanielharry@aol.com

Wuv

Hawwy xxxx

Poo bags and tennis balls!

Poo bagTennis balls

Hello efuryone Hawwy here,

so it has bin an interestin week so fur. It always is busy dis time of year. De hoomins get jumpy, dey start puttin up twees inside de house which is confoosin fur me! Yoo see I want to pee up against de twee but dey say no! It also equally confoosin cos I always gets into twouble when I bwing outside plants indoors so how comes dey can?

I also start noticing fings bein puts under de twee which I is not to touch. Also fings on de twee but so fur dis week I has had a couple of balls hanging on de twee, a santa and quite a bit of tinsel Bol Bol Bol.

hoomins also stop payin attenshun to what dey are doin at dis time of year and seem to spend a lot of time just goin through de moshuns. This happened this week to second in command wiv hilarious results!

we had bin out fur a walk and I had bin lucky enough to have some tennis balls wiv me. Now second in command doesn’t like puttin de wet slobbery tennis balls in her pocket so she came up wiv a plan to carry dem in a little bag. Incidentally dis little bag is one of me unused poo bags.  Me and Maggie had been fur a poo when we were out and second in command was carrying dis bag back to de house to puts in de bin as a good wesponsbile hoomin should. We twained her well. By de time we gots to de house second in command clearly had all de Christmas stuff on her mind talkin about turkeys, beef potatoes mmmmmmm. She threw one of de poo bags in de bin and hung de ofur one on by de radiator so de balls coulds dry out. Dis is normal pwactise. Nuffin unusual der.

Boss mum was in her office fur a bit so we went fur a lie down and second in command busied herself in de kitchen. After a while boss mum came into de kitchen and into de boot room. All I heard her say is “yuk wot is dat smell?” second in command said “wot do yoo mean” she came to boot room and said “phew I see what yoo mean” dey den turned to me and Maggie as if we had done somefin wrong which we obviously hadn’t! How wude! Well after lots of checkin of shoes and boots second in command gasped! She picked up de poo bag dat was hangin fwom de hook by de wadiator and it became instantly appawent dat dis is where de smell was pongin fwom!

Boss mum burst into roars of laughter as she realised what second in command had done! She had thrown me tennis balls in de bin and hung up me poo to dry BOL BOL BOl. I is glad to weport dat the balls were rescued and de poo put in it’s pwoper place!

So hoomins, I knows it be a busy time of year but peese concentwate on wot yoo doin or yoo may find yoo self wiv a new fwagwance of poopuri in yoo house.

wuv yoo

Hawwy xxxxxxxxxxxx

THE UTTER JOY OF FOX POO

Bootiful ain't it!

Bootiful ain’t it!

Hi Efuryone, Hawwy here

Now it is quite simple for even de daftest hoomin to see dat dis blog is all about de joy of fox poo. Now us dogs like nuffin more dan a good roll in de sweet smellin stuff. Nots only does we roll in it but we push ourselves along de ground to make sure we has got jus enuff of de dlightful secent behinds our ears. After all, we not know what wuvly dog we gonna meet when we is out and about de town!

I has had de pleasure to have a roving wepawter today called Ruby Dooby know on Twitter as @RubytheCavalier

Ruby has been kind enuff to do a weport into her experiences wiv de wonderful natural pwaduct Fox Poo…..over to yoo Ruby…..

“Fank yoo Hawwy, I wuv fox poo becos de hoomans fink dat Cavaliers are posh cos we has King Charles in our names. Howefur, I likes to change de hoomans views! I say stuff de posh and roll in de poo! Tis smellin bootifuland weally attwacts de boys too! It means a whole lot to me rolling in de fox poo. I I coulds leave one legacy it woulds be to say YAP to fox poo and Pfft to baths. My hoomans hate it becos dey say it smells and its one of dose stinks yoo can’t gets out of stuff but we has to put up wiv der purfooms and stuff so I fink it is time fur dogs to bite back. Roll! Rool my furiends like your life depends on it! But wemember to worm wegularly.”

Ruby Dooby Rolled in fox Poopy!

Ruby Dooby Rolled in fox Poopy!

Thank yoo Ruby. Vewy insightful. So there yoo have it my fweinds. Roll fur your life in de bootiful fox poo but be warned de hoomans is fighting back. Der is a pwoduct out der dat hoomins is buying to rid us orf our bootiful foxy scent. It is called Fox Poo but I fink dat is to con us into finking it no shampoo. If yoo see dis bottle in yoo house wun de hoomins is gonna wash away your perfume! Fur yoo hoomin weaders yoo can get it fwom @animology or www.animology.co.uk

Made by hoomins to spoil dogs fun!

Made by hoomins to spoil dogs fun!

That is all fur now folks. Wemember to roll particularly the neck area so dat de poo gets stuck in your collar too. I is orf to pwactice me carols fur de #crooningcaninegroups furst song of de season wiv @angelthefurball and @humfthecocker

Wuv yoo all

Hawwy xxxxx